To call Paris Hilton’s newest single a sin against the last 300 years worth of music would be unfair to sins against music everywhere. Mere minutes in, it surpasses the threshold of “patently awful,” and storms right into “makes you want to rip your hair out while you grab your speakers and ceremonially burn them in the world’s biggest hellfire” territory.
From the production (which sounds like it was done by a drunk toddler who’s listened to just enough Glee covers to be horrible), to the nigh unbearable music video filled to the brim with Paris Hilton cavorting about poolside in a rhinestone bikini, it’s a song that makes you wish some people weren’t allowed to go anywhere near a bucket drum much less a recording studio. In the ultimate act of hubris, she had the gall to call this travesty “Good Time,” as if she was fully aware of the viscerally terrified reaction it would inspire in listeners across the globe.
If you’re feeling particularly brave today, we welcome to you challenge yourself and see how far you get into the “song” before you have to fight off the urge swan dive off of the nearest cliff. Enjoy!
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